Did your mom ever give you the curse? Usually bestowed upon a child (usually a daughter) when she is being such a rampant pain in the ass (middle school – college in my case) that the words “I hope you have a daughter JUST LIKE YOU” are bandied about like little mom-ism missiles.

I of course, smug little ass that I was, would retort snappily “HA, the joke is on you BECAUSE I’M NEVER HAVING KIDS!!”

Yeah..about that.

When I was little, my favorite book was “Good Little Bad, Little Girl” which went along the lines of “there was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead and when she was good she was very, very good and when she was bad she was horrid”. Apparently, I made this book my toddler bible, so much so that she had to “disappear” it.

Retribution has been dealt out by karma in the form of a curly headed mini me who goes from having all the charm and charisma of a politician (or a cult leader) to a what I swear is a toddler version of Biff Tannen.

NOOOOO, I don't WANNA!!!!

It is like a magic switch where she goes from my little angel to a minion of Fox (home of Nanny 911) who starts screaming “NO” and giggles and runs and attempts to hide while saying “ha ha ha you can’t get me”. Bonus points for her usually being smeared with a variety of substances, none of which I would like to see on my upholstery. She also does this if I ask her not to do something, which means absolutely do that more (kicking mommy  in the back of the head while climbing the back of the couch…two thumbs up). She becomes absolutely immune to the words no and don’t.

Don’t ride the dog.

Don’t ride your sister like a pony.

Don’t stick that there.

No, please don’t climb the bookshelves.

Mom, I’m sorry for everything I have ever done as a child/teenager… Can you babysit?



Leave a reply