Welcome to the Toddler Thunderdome

Dear past me, when you had this mental image of your sweet girls holding hands and playing dolls together? Yeah…have fun with that. My girls are now 3 1/2 and 2 and some days they do play well together and I look at them fondly and think “we should TOTALLY have a 3rd” (my husband says nay) and then they sprout little horns under their halos and start fighting like […]


Shady Kirby

As a mom of two toddlers, we do a nap time avoidance dance of epic proportions every afternoon. I time naps around deliveries so that the dog won’t bark while they’re sleeping and if he’s in a particular vocal mood, I pop him in the master bath so he won’t go all Cujo if a squirrel lays foot in our yard. So you can image that I was less then pleased when […]


Why I love Coffee

8:30 pm First attempt at getting kids in bed 9:00 pm Kids still playing (via monitor) 9:15 pm “Is she in her sister’s crib? Wait, are they jumping in the crib?” Dispatch husband to put kids back in their beds since my appearance only makes youngest (15 months) realize that she really wants some boobs dammit. 9:45 pm Still playing 10:00 pm Kids out 11:00pm Mom and Dad collapse 1:00 […]


Senile or Small Children

I’m a little worried that my mind is starting to go. I forget things like…oh hey MY AGE! I seriously thought that I was turning 32 next month until my own mother gave me the side-eye and reminded me that she had in fact birthed me almost 33 years ago. Harbinger of me wandering around sans pants on the street or just a symptom of having 2 toddlers who are […]


Why Running in the Suburbs Sucks

On today’s laundry list of reasons why I hate running in my neighborhood (cough cough running in general), here are a few things that occurred during my run today that left me grumbling as I sloshed through my 3 mile a.m run.  Yes yes, I’m definitely getting old…hold on those damn kids are on my lawn again ::shakes fist:: 1. Mothballs Why on earth do people continuously insist on putting mothballs in their yard? […]


I make yet another friend

I for the most part do not get other moms (or other women in general). I get along better with men then women which is part of the reason me and my husband get along so freaking well. My idea of a chick flick is a Jason Statham movie (preferably where he appears sans shirt of course) and I love playing video games and I will always wrest over the […]


Magical Unicorn Toddler Pool

Why on earth has it been damn near impossible to find a plastic splash pool for my freaking patio? Our neighborhood boasts a kiddie pool complete with water falls, etc and a “adult” pool but for some odd reason the kiddie pool is sub-artic year round even though we live in Florida and the average temperature here is Satan’s balls. The bigger pool usually warms up a bit more but […]